jrc. Re-nay-sense man? 

                             (site under development)

Written some time ago as a result of changes to toilet rolls at my work place, the princliples discussed are more wide ranging I am sure. The workplace also reeked of acronyms and so you see these cheekily displayed below covering the toilet problems.

Have any others been affected by the low tensile strength of toilet rolls in our organisation? The consequences of this are many and varied resulting in mental and physical anguish. I did think about making a one hour film (silent) of my hang ups and downs and experiences with toilet rolls but was persuaded not to by a frowning and nauseated friend. Basically a new toilet roll set has appeared with a one-over-the other dispenser set up. The bottom roll when completed reveals a cardboard roll which can be extracted from the basal slot, thus allowing the upper full roll to fall nicely to be used. The system should work well and sometimes does but of late there are cracks and problems appearing. Generally the standard operating procedure for basic toilet practice (SOP BTP) should be simple. 1. Sit down and do the business 2. Pull the loose end of basal toilet roll and count off a number of pieces (a piece is defined as the length from one serration to the next). 3. Use the paper as per self-written and acceptable SOP. 4. Deposit said piece in bowl. 5. Repeat steps 2-4 until satisfactory. None of the other SOPs 3 and 4 will be discussed further. I am concerned with the toilet roll only.

So to 'Pulling loose end problems'

2a) Cannot find loose end. This is because the end is apparently super glued onto the roll. Attempts at finding the end are usually successful since there is a large ridge marking the spot. Often the operator has to use nails or teeth to break into the roll often severing many layers that when pecked produce a mass of short ends which have to be discarded. The end of the roll is then ill defined.

2b) Loose end is between two serrations and ragged due to someone else obviously attacking roll vigorously.

2c) On pulling, the paper rips after a very short time resulting in a piece of paper 2 cm long . This can vary between 2 and 8 cm (each plus/minus 10%). Net result is a useless, to most, piece of paper for effective ‘wiping’  with a low wiping index (WI). In desperation people have been known to use this or rather these, resulting in IWS (see Ineffective Wipe Syndrome).

2d) The roll does not move on pulling. There is no rotation since the roll is too large for the holder. Attempts at rotation usually involve both hands and it is impossible to get more than shreds of paper from the roll during this process.  

2e) The roll does rotate but any attempt at pulling off paper is unsuccessful (see c) but a variation of gently turning the roll with one hand and gently taking pieces one at one at a time can be successful. This can result in RSI (see Repetitive Stress Injury).

2f) Associated with c and e is the resulting success after a long time when the roll does turn smoothly enough to allow free passage of paper and where more than two pieces can be taken with care. This approaches the acceptable normal state required (ANSR) for toilet roll usage. This can result in a euphoric cry of ‘yes’ which may affect neighbouring cubicles where people, are struggling to get paper.

2g) A variation is the ghost toilet roll where the bottom roll and its cardboard centre has been removed (or can remain and is removed by operator) only to find that the top roll is either 1. Non existence or 2. Cannot be encouraged to drop. This is a bad scenario since there is no access to paper.

One tip is never to do anything until the toilet roil situation has been surveyed and tested. (SOP visiting toilet, preliminary precautions -non medical). I now leave this problem in the safe hands of all you technicians out there. Tensile strength is the key and friction has something to do with it. My solution is to carry the wet-medicated type of basal wipe where a mere flick of a finger give me access to a well-lubricated, sweet smelling devise. However, I did once get my finger caught in the plastic groove when I had to fish for a piece which had decided to submerge altogether in the box…..life is never easy.